Here's a handy guide to SQUID spotting. Are YOU a SQUID? Could you be considered a SQUID by other bikers? Take the following test and find out ... If you say "Hey! That's what I do !" to more than a few of these statements, you're in serious trouble! Rehabilitation isn't out of the question, it just takes a lot of effort and a lot of maturity on your part. You might be a SQUID if: _________________________________________________________________________________ You constantly "throttle tune" your bike at every red light You have any fake animal fur (zebra, leopard, etc.) covering the plastic on your bike You didn't know your bike came with a tool kit ! "You ride around with your full face helmet stuck on top of your head in such a way that the chin bar is resting squarely above your eyebrows." You ride in sandals You bad mouth all "other" brands of bikes (and have never ridden them) You tell anyone you have gone 160 on the street Your "racing" jacket is from Wal-Mart. You think Arai is Jamaican for OK You don't have a clue what a Buell is You bought a Sport bike and put saddlebags and a sissy bar on it so you can go to Sturgis. You keep fouling plugs riding with the choke on You have Harley stickers on your car and ride a Rebel Your Mom and Dad won't ride with you There is a crack in your helmet You helmet is the wrong size You ride with ANY safety features on your bike not working You have a cup holder duct taped to your handlebars. You have a fuel injected bike with DynoJet / Factory Jet kit sticker You install race compound tires yet most of your rides consist of 10 minute jaunts across town in gridlock. You grind down the feelers under the foot pegs with a bench grinder so people will think you can REALLY corner. You're 100 lbs. overweight and complain that your bike just can't seem to hold that inside line. You drive out of state to ride someplace where helmet laws aren't enforced. Your rear sprocket closely resembles a radial saw blade. Your brakes let out a spine tingling squeal every time you come to a stop at an intersection You have all of your "sponsors" decals on your bike and patches on your leathers. You've just installed a full titanium exhaust, racing cams, ported & polished the cylinder head, and K&N air filter on you new GSXR-1000, but for the life of you can't figure what happened to the choke knob on the dash. You study those wacky British street bike magazines for articles on how to do stoppies, burnouts and wheelies. Yet the shop manual for your bike is still yet to be opened. You installed a dry brake system on your gas tank because Team Yoshimura Suzuki used one at Daytona. You don't use an O-ring chain. You wear leathers with your name and number across the back, except you're not a racer. Your helmet has a well known cartoon character on in. You ever parked your bike on asphalt on a hot summer day and the kickstand dug into the soft pavement causing your bike to fall over. Your helmet looks like standard issue for the 3rd Reich. Your safety gear in the summer consists of a tank top, shorts and tennis shoes. if you ever removed the gas cap bolts to reduce weight. You ride wearing cut-offs, sandals, and a mesh tank top. You saw the SQUID movie "Biker Boyz." Twice. You have any "NO FEAR" decals on your motorcycle. You think that a wheelie is the mark of a skilled rider. You ride around with your $500 SHOEI bungie netted to your rear seat. You drag your brand new $300 AGV boots in order to simulate years of hard cornering use just so you can brag about your 'years' of hard cornering use. Your idea of head protection is a do-rag bandanna and a pair of Oakley Blades. You think that burnouts impress the chicks. If you ever high sided a passenger. You're only riding your CBR600F2 until you get your Harley put back together. You never get your bike out of second gear in the city. Your rear brake pads aren't even scuffed. You ever installed a fender eliminator kit. You thought about putting a sidecar on your GSX-R. You ride a Suzuki Katana (any size, the bigger the SQUIDer) You've ever low sided a dealer demo unit that was parked inside a showroom. Your friends won't ride with you anymore. You brag about your many wrecks. You don't know what a SQUID is. You ever high-sided from a intentional stoppie. Everytime you get a new scratch on your fairing, you get a new decal to cover it up. YOU think that you're cool. You ever fell off while doing a wheelie. You had your nickname painted, taped, or etched anywhere on your helmet, leathers, or bike. Only you know what your personalized tag means. Your insurance agent refuses to return your phone calls. You stand up on your pegs while riding. You ever bought any dress-up items for your bike from J.C. Whitney & Co. You tailgate ANYONE! Your chain ever rusted to the point of having to be replaced. You ever raced a scooter with your sportbike ... and LOST! You wear a cheap helmet. You drilled holes in your fairing to try to reduce weight or increase handling. You polished your frame. Your bike has braided hoses and brake lines. Your street bike is safety wired. You've got a K&N decal, but not the filter. You ever tried to make your bike backfire. You ever snapped off a foot peg by standing on it. You run stop signs out of habit. You have colored bar end weights, hand grips, or engine case bolts. You believe EVERYTHING that you read in motorcycle magazines. You wheelie between lights in traffic to impress car and truck drivers. You've ever knocked your bike over by leaning up against it when it was parked. You swear that your factory stock Seca II will do 160mph on the top end. You ever wrecked while trying to impress chicks. You consider rolling stops to be perfectly legal. Your street bike has a steering dampener. You never broke in your new bike's engine properly. You ride a sportbike and wear a half helmet with flight goggles. Your new colored windscreen matches your Oakely Blades perfectly. You've ever high-sided in your own driveway. You ever tried to do something on the street that you saw in a TV action series. You ever let someone patch your performance radial tire with a plug. Your rear tire is bald in the center but still has lots of tread on each side. Your street bike has a wheelie bar. You let anyone who doesn't have a motorcycle of their own ride yours. More than half of your bike's original plastic has been replaced by carbon fiber parts. You own a carbon fiber keyfob. Your knee pucks have comical faces. You're riding a sportbike but only until you get your Harley out of the shop. You high rev your cold engine after cranking. You ride without insurance or a license endorsement. You only race against smaller displacement bikes. You've ever bought cheap tires. You rev your engine to impress others. You let complete strangers ride your bike. You ever split lanes with traffic where it wasn't legal to do so. You think carbon fiber is IT! You've never oil your chain. You're still using the factory pre-set suspension settings. Your bike alarm makes annoying sounds when activated. You constantly open and close your throttle at a stop light just to see the tach needle jump. You paid someone $400 to airbrush your $175 helmet. Your bike alarm talks. You like to demonstrate your annoying bike alarm every chance you get. You ever took off so quick that your passenger rolled off the back! You NEVER look over your shoulder when you change lanes. You've ever left your bike running while you went into a convenience store and it was gone when you came back out. You think neon is cool. You don't know HOW to adjust your adjustable suspension. You carry a color matched wheel or disc lock but never use it! You use cheap gas ( 90 octane or weaker). You replace your clutch once a year. Your sportbike has a cruise control. You don't use turn signals in traffic. You pin-striped your sportbike. You Armor-All(tm) your tires before riding. Your bike has more than two mirrors. You've ever drained your battery due to Neon overload. You buy cheap tires in order to have enough money to buy a new Shoei helmet. You sent your wheels off to get chromed. You rode fast in a hard rain. You removed your mirrors to lower drag and try to increase top speed. You have a little air foil spoiler on the rear of your bike. You cover your bike in aftermarket parts decals but don't own any of the parts! You put additional reflectors on your bike. You ever mounted auxiliary driving lights on your front fork. You use cheap oil. You ever had an accident because you were checking your image in the side view mirrors. You don't acknowledge other riders when they wave or nod. You use fuel additives or octane boosters in your street bike. You ever woke up in the hospital after doing something that you thought would impress people. You've ever had to have emergency surgery to remove a aftermarket accessory that you installed on your sportbike. Chicks won't ride with you. You thread traffic to impress people! You run at highway speeds on city streets. You admire yourself in shop windows when you ride by on the street. You ever had an accident because your bungie net load shifted on you. Your tag has a bracket with a humorous message engraved on it. You ride around with screwdrivers or other sharp objects in your back pockets. Your bike is plastered with aftermarket decal conversion kits. (Troy Lee Designs). You walk around the mall in full race leathers. When you ride with others, YOU always have to be in front. Any of your personal bike experiences are merely products of your imagination. You ever repainted your bike an annoying color. You really want other riders to like you and your bike.